I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
