i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
