First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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