I just saw a hot homeless man
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
