member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
