I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
