Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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