Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
