my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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