party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
