I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
