How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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