i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
