would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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