I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
