omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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