Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Screwed.edu
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
