omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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