That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
