'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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