we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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