I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
