My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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