fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
