I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
