how can u be prego again
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
my shit smells like andre
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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