Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize