My hand turned me down
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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