Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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