I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
