I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
