woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
