about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
