Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
