They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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