Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
