I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
As shirtless as possible
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
