I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
