I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
