Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
