Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
