Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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