I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
