Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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