drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
