I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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