i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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