dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
