I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
