can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
