do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
