kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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