at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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