I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize