I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
