Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
