You just made me feel so damn special
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Text me some of your sweat
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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