u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It's Friday. Sex?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
