guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
