There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize