Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
