Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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