Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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