I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
