I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm sobbing to NWA
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
