Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
