So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
