So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
