ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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