as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
