Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
