he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
