I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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