Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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