ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
