i just sent this text using only my big toe
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize