highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I look better un-naked...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
