New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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