you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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