You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
