she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
