I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
