we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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