Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
