I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
