I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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