just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
