you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just gargled with NyQuil
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
