i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
