Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
