He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
