it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
