You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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