Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize