i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
