I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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