Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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