I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
