Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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