matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
