we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
