what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So much rum. So many feels.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
