So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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