Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
